I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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