i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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