We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ketchup is God's man juice
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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