Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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