He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
