Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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