So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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