Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
