my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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