i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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