I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
