If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Help. Why am I so naked?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
