I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
