And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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