i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
