when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I love you. Go after that dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
