Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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