Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
