Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
