Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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