Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
