my being single is dangerous.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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