I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
