Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
