Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
