It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Let's get the cat blown out
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
