its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
