I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
