Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
