Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pop tarts are not kleenex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
