how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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