i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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