I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
