My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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