I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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