Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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