besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
