I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
