That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
