She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
