well I can't set my house on fire every night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
