he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
