I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
