Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
