he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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