I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
