when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
