yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
