i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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