Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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