thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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